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I Thought I Was Fine (A Poem on Body Image and Honesty)

I Thought I Was Fine ( A Poem)

I thought I was fine,

Breasts thin and strong.

He told me they were not what women’s breasts look like.

I thought I was fine,

Waist athletic yet soft.

Magazines showed me otherwise.

I thought I was fine,

Thick, uneven eyebrows that I never thought to change.

My first manicurist was quick to offer their fixing.

I thought I was fine,

The strongest girl in my neighborhood–always picked first for team games.

The girls told me that guys didn’t like that.

And I needed to be adored on the outside.

And I needed to be adored on the outside?

Was I not good enough to be me? Was the core of my truth wrong?

Was I not girl enough to be strong, with thick uneven eyebrows?

Was I not perfect enough to have sweat on my face, ankles covered in dirt?

What did I love the most about me? The confident girl I was. The woman I was growing into.

In those very proud moments, I found myself also being tugged into the dark by a culture I begged to feel belonging to.

In a time where fitting in was everything, I thrived, and I suffered.

I conformed, and I starved.

My truth began to live in a shadow, so dark that I too, couldn’t see just who I was anymore.

Who was I? I ask.

Who was I? I repeated.

I am good enough, echoed from inside the shadow I was living under. It was just a faint whisper that barely tickled inside my ear, but I heard the call. Just enough I heard, that I understood it.

I cast my inner light as I searched in the shadow to discover what was speaking to me so lovingly. As my eyes adjusted to the bright light shining through the thick shadow, I began to see what it was supporting me, the entire time.

Hello, truth. Hello core of me. Root of every question I pose. Hello, truth, you know all, and all along you’ve been hiding in this dark unworthy place. Oh, how I vow to take you on the most beautiful journey and show you how powerful you are.

Truth drew me in. Bravely, I walked deeper into the shadow with my light, like the north star, a compass to my soul.

Here, in the thickness of shadows, I stood courageously with truth, gently asking it to step into the light with me. Kindly guiding it into a more supportive place.

I brought my truth out of the shadows, and into the sunlight. Truth was exhausted from needing to shine in the shadows, that now, in the sunlight, it craved nothing more but to relax. Now that it need not shine so intensely with so much light surrounding it, truth could just be, without reaching or hiding.

Like a young child, I sat with truth, and coaxed it even further, away from the dull shadow, until eventually, truth became brave me.

Now, truth lives within me.

Every time it gets dark, truth clicks on it’s light and reminds me of the bravery it took to step into the shadow and recapture what was once mine.

Truth be me. I thought I was good enough. And all along, I was right.

Be careful brave ladies. Our words can leave scars on hearts like the Nile runs ‘cross Egypt, or, like a front porch swing and iced tea on a hot summer day, they can heal all.

Choose words like you would your wedding dress. Try them on first before you offer them to another. Be precise. When words don’t surface, be silent and listen. Listening, the most powerful compliment to worthiness.

Listen even, to yourself. Because you, my dearest, are worthy. Listen to your gut and listen to your body. Listen, dear sisters, to the truth within. For you will always know right when you sit with honesty.

Trust always, that which speaks truth to you. Trust always, that you are fine, that you are good enough and worthy to have your thoughts. Trust always, that your truth is the eternal heartbeat of God.

Photo Lily Cummings

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this kinda rocks!
oh darling, indulge a little
this kinda rocks!
oh darling, indulge a little