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The No Apologies Woman

Emily Nolan by Brit Gill

Every morsel of my self-confidence crumbles a little more when I hear a woman apologize for the way they look. Specifically, “I’m so sorry. I just ran out of the house and didn’t have time to put any makeup on.” And, “I know you’ve seen this dress before. I’ve posted a picture wearing it on social media, so I’m not taking any pictures of that sort tonight. Yaknowwhattamean?”

Sadly, I know what you mean, sister. I’ve been the apologizing woman, too, and I know that apologizing for myself feels so much crappier than wearing that dress over and over again.

Excusing the way we are is not any one person’s fault. It’s a collective decision we’ve made as women to apologize for anything that’s not up to society’s impossible standards. We must always cover our dark circles and acne. We must never be spotted in the same thing twice.

If we want to feel empowered, we have to stop apologizing for ourselves.

Any woman that’s just landed from a long flight and is picking up groceries for her family should look acceptingly disheveled–and there should be an understood woman-code that crumbles floating around in her hair from the in-flight Pop-Chips and a slightly stained shirt from the turbulence in coach warrants an honest, “you look amazing compliment.” Because truthfully, when has rawness and honesty never looked refreshing? A confident woman with a clean face has always made me feel empowered, good enough, even human. Owning up to our rawness creates a magical space for women to reclaim our natural beauty.

As women, we are infinitely more powerful when we support one another, instead of tearing each other down with comparison or judgement. As women, we are unbreakable when we own what we are, through and through. “Owning it” is what creates the vast safe space for other women to find their personal radical self-acceptance.

Together, our self-confidence is like a towering chain of mountains that other sisters can look up to. It is our civic duty to accept our highest personal responsibility of self-love, and to let our strong mountains cast beautiful shadows into the rolling flatlands beneath us. That fertile flatland is a playground for our sisters to form their own peaks of self-confidence, from the bedrock of our very own self-confidence. You see, self-confidence is symbiotic, it grows from the strength of others.

We lift each other up by owning our truths, in beauty and in experience. To the towering woman who rises above the clouds and owns it, I bow to you sister, for giving me the holy space to be me.

If we want to own it, we have to trust that we are good enough just as we are. Trusting is a huge leap of faith, and I’m asking you to leap. Trust that we can feel whole in our rawest state and allow makeup and fashion to be fun, even a form of self-love–not mandatory (and heaven knows, not an apology).

In order to build our chain of strong, self-confident mountains together, our flatlands must allow apologies to blow in through our fertile grains, and leave our tended blooms just as quickly as they came.

Apology #1

“Everyone’s seen me wear this dress before (and there’s a picture of it on social media), so I can’t wear it again.”

Answer: Wear it till the wheels fall off, sister.

Women Who Own It (We Won't Apologize For That)

Women Who Own It (We Won't Apologize For That)

Women Who Own It (We Won't Apologize For That)

Apology #2

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to put my makeup on today.”

Answer: It makes me feel good to see you, just the way you are–and more confident when I scurry out of the house with a naked face, too!

Women Who Own It (We Won't Apologize For That)

Women Who Own It (We Won't Apologize For That)

Emily Nolan for Cosabella

featured photo Brit Gill for Raw Beauty Talks

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this kinda rocks!
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this kinda rocks!
oh darling, indulge a little